I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I still have a little drunk in my system
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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