he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
