I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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