chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
