i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
