She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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