Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
