Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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