I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
