If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
love makes seman taste better
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
