I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
