Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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