i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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