I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
