he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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