hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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