I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
