Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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