Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
