I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
