My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
