question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So vagazzling was a success
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
