NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
