ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
