A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
