A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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