Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
