Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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