update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
