Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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