This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
