I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
MIDGETS
????
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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