Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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