I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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