I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
