I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
