Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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