dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
