the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
