Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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