Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize