When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Terrible idea I love it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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