I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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