Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
