Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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