if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
