Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
