now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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