I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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