even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize