Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
