Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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