I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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