Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just gargled with NyQuil
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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