the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
