Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
