just come out here and I will go home with you...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
