I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
