My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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